my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
