It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
