can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
