found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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