Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
