why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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