Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
