Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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