saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
