Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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