Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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