Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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