If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
