I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
