The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize