You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
