toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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