drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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