she was so not down for the gang bang
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
