im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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