that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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