I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
