Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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