I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
