yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
