I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
