is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
