We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
