I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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