I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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