I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
