one might say we're banned from that church
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
