so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
