I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
