I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
