Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
