im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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