HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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