don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
