No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
