i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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