Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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