Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
