this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
