love makes seman taste better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
