why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
