Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
