so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
