grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
