hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
