Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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