During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
