You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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