How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
