The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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