we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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