This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
