I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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