i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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