you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
