She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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