Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
