i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
