Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
