you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
