ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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