im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize