today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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