I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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