i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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